Who knew? Attorney General Mukasey says pirated software is now part of the War of Terror. Thank goodness the Malabar Front is going so well that we can spare troops to enforce software companies' license agreements.
If you wear an ungood political shirt critical of the war at a mall, you will be arrested. Even if you're 80 years old. Only shoppers supportive of The Leader are welcome at Cracker Barrel and Abercrombie & Fitch.
Protestors anticitizens are free to encourage drivers to "Honk for Peace" as a way to bring attention to this endless, pointless the benefits of war. They will, however, be arrested, and any driver who honks will be ticketed. Citizens making noise in public is ungood; noise makes sheep unsleepful.
US soldiers are free to exercise their religious rights, so long as their religion is evangelical Christianty. Athiest soliders will be threatened, denied promotion, and transferred away from their units.|
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You are free to walk down the street wearing a t-shirt of your chosing, except if a cop passes by and is offended by your shirt. You will then be arrested.
You are technically free to look at public records in Arizona. But if you are a New York Times reporter and try to actually touch any documents, you will be arrested.
You enjoy a First Amendment right to send IMs. Except if they offend a recipient in Missouri. In that case, you'll be jailed for up to four years.
Citizens of Washington, D.C., are free to go anywhere in their city. Except in "Neighborhood Safety Zones," where people on the streets and in cars will have to show papers at police checkpoints in order to enter the safety zones. Those who cannot prove that they live or work in the NSZ will be denied entry.
Citizens of Shenzhen, PRC, are free to move about their city. They will be observed, however, by 200k surveillance cameras, tracking their every move. China pirates things from Oceania besides software and DVDs! Plus-good!
You are free to complete college creative writing assignments. You will, however, be expelled and held on a 72 hour psychiatric hold if school administrators deem the story too disturbing. Also, don't write letters to the editor against campus building projects or you will simply be expelled.
You are free to express your opposition to one of the most monstrous states in the world, the People's Republic of China--except if you try to protest in San Francisco. Then your 1st Amendment rights are limited to "free speech zones." Your 1st Amendment rights are trumped by the cannibalistic PRC.
You are free to eat in any restaurant you choose. The restaurant, however, is required to refuse to serve you if they consider you obese. This will liberate more rations for our troops on the Malabar Front. Plus-good!
You are free to read books such as The Anarchist Cookbook, freely available here on Amazon.com. You will, however, become an unperson.
You are free to express your opinions, unless you wear a shirt critical of President Bush, in which case you will be arrested.
You are free to protest the government, so long as your protest is in a designated free-speech zone. Crawford, TX does not have any free-speech zones, so protestors free-speakers will be arrested if they insist on keeping their 1st Amendment rights.
US Representatives do not think we are already living in a police state. Clearly, Oceania's memo-distribution system could use improvement, because this Rep did not receive the latest memo.
Ignorance is Strength
Oceania's French allies have found a way to deal with porn, pro-terrorism websites, and speech they find offensive: a national Black List. French ISPs will be required to block sites flagged by citizens. See something you don't like? Point, click, presto--it's gone from the Web. Plus-goodful for the Internets!
Oceania is, of course, not going to be outdone by some French cheese-eating surrender monkeys. NY Attorney General Andrew Cuomo has negotiated a deal with Verizon/Time-Warner/Sprint to block that dinosaur of the Internet, the Usenet group. You see, Usenet is being used by some people to spread child porn. Therefore, it must be banned, though such groups account for about 3.8TB of user interaction per day. This shutdown, if taken by the government, would clearly violate First Amendment prior restraint; however, since this is a soley private matter, companies can constitutionally violate your rights in any way they see fit. Privatization is plus-good for freedom!
Oceania would never plant false news stories to try to overthrow a foreign government, such as Iran. Oceania would never set up a secret police agency, such as Iran's SAVAK during the Shah era, to control a population through terror.
Oceania does not torture. Only the ignorant call it "torture." Inflicting pain is now called "pressure," as in "Apply more pressure to the vice on that terrorist's nuts." Plus good!
Anticitizens in Nashville will now be injected with a powerful sedative while being arrested by police. This drug will render them unconscious and induce amnesia. I can't think of any way this could go wrong; police have practically as much training as doctors in anesthesia.
British citizens of Oceania can now rest assured that children as young as 3 are being montitored for any sign of racial intolerance, including refusal to eat unfamiliar foods. No incident shall be ignored, and an 11 year old has already been sued for uttering a racial remark. Plus good for education!
Goodful citizens don't have epileptic seizures near police, because Oceania's glorious police can't help but taser epileptic citizens anticitizens repeatedly in order to get them to "calm down."
Anticitizens deface bathrooms with graffiti. So logically elementary school kids are not allowed to go potty without someone watching.
Asylum applicants anticitizens being deported from Oceania shall be drugged prior to flight, in order to avoid any unpleasantness in the coach seating. Those seats really are too close to each other.
The war against Muslimjihadistislamo-fascists in the Al Qaeda movement, who seek the establishment of a new WahhabinisticCaliphate, has been rebranded.
Citizens should not have to watch filth (such as sex) in movies; thank BB that companies such as Blockbuster and Flix Club edit sexual scenes, nudity, and swearing out of films to make them plusgood wholesome. The owner of Flix Club, however, likes to have sex with children. Let's hope none of it was caught on film!
Citizens who pee in public will now be anticitizens who must register as sex offenders for the rest of their lives
LAPD officers do not compete to arrest as many people as possible, for any charge they fabricate.
